Why is this blog called ‘I Hate Breast Cancer’?

Everyone should read this….

ihatebreastcancer

Why is this blog called ihatebreast cancer?

Two groups inspired me. First, the so-called “charities” that specialize in telling us how much they love  boobies, second base, tatas, etc. I thought I should respond in kind. 

But primarily, the “ihatebreastcancer” name came from a post on a board for women with metastatic breast cancer. One woman started off the “I hate breast cancer” thread and people started chiming in.

That discussion took place nearly two years ago, but I can’t forget it.

I hate breast cancer

[Just to clarify… this was a group discussion…these are all different women reponding.]

I hate that…

my veins are shot (I have to get a port)

taking a crap is always on my mind

managing SEs has become dinner talk

my old dog has more energy than me

so much is out of my control

privacy is a thing of the past

I…

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What Metastatic Breast Cancer Patients Wish Medical Oncologists Knew

I found out yesterday that my IBC (stage 3c) had metastasized, and now it is officially stage 4. I got cancer at 27, and I’m now 28, about to be 29. I already had a modified radical mastectomy, in which all of my lymph nodes under my left arm were removed. Afterward, I was told ” a few rounds of radiation,some physical therapy, and you should be done!” by my surgical oncologist. She must not have even looked at my file, because not even a week later, my chemotherapy oncologist told me that it was looking more and more like advanced-stage. So, she did some tests, and she was right. My false balloon had been popped. I was so sure I was ALMOST DONE- only to be told I have the final stage of this evil disease that has taken over my breasts, lungs,bones,and liver. Then I read this and didn’t feel quite so alone in my doctor-dissatisfaction.

ihatebreastcancer

Medical oncologist James Salwitz writes a blog called “Sunrise Rounds.”  

In a recent post, “Secrets of Cancer Survivors,” Dr. Salwitz offers 25 tips about “dealing with the dread disease.” He acknowledges that as someone who has never had cancer he isn’t qualified to pontificate about it–his intention is only to share what he has observed over his years of treating patients.

While I agree with most of Dr. Salwitz’s suggestions, it bothers me that he makes no distinction between someone being treated for early-stage disease and those who have advanced disease. It’s not as though people with Stage IV breast cancer could have prevented or survived the disease by adhering to these 25 points. I know many people who were model patients with supportive families and wonderful friends and adorable pets. They took excellent care of themselves–they hydrated, they exercised and they journaled. They were educated and proactive–I…

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UGHHHHH (again)

I don’t know what to do about my boyfriend. Sometimes, I feel a boost of confidence, ready to speak but I stay silent. Everytime I talk, even if it’s to say I love you, I either get an answer dripping with sustain, or I just get straight up ignored. Most of the time, the ignoring is just him staring strait forward and not responding, but last night was different. It’s getting worse. I found a freaky picture of something called a lantern fruit, which is so cool looking. It’s a berry trapped in a delicate cage, almost like a spiders web, with the berry suspended in the center(I will update with a picture of it), and it was so hauntingly beautiful, that I wanted to share it with him. I saw it and immediately thought of how I wanted him to see it. He was in the kitchen waiting on the microwave, when I walked in excitedly with the photo qued up on my tablet and told him he “had to see this”. He didn’t even turn to look at me. I stood there for a minute, thinking he just wanted to finish what he was doing, when he took his meal into the living room, leaving me standing there like an idiot. I sat back down on our couch, and closed and plugged in my tablet. Then I went into the restroom and cried as quietly as I could, washed my face, and went back into the living room. He didn’t say anything to me for the rest of the night. The next morning, I was awoken by him grinding against me, hands everywhere. We made love, and he immediately got up and then dressed. It was strange, because we always cuddled after. Every time. Then he just left. He came back about 15 minutes later with some sausage biscuits. I was heartbroken. I know you’re thinking “he got you food, why’s that so sad?”, but whenever he leaves, even to just go grab cigarettes, he tells me and kisses me. We’ve been together 8 years. I know he’s not cheating because we are intimate everyday, and he comes straight home from work. I know the cheating signs, trust me. He either seems annoyed or bored with me, and the nicer I am to Him, the ruder he gets. It’s not what he says, it’s how he says it, and what he doesn’t say. He said I love you everyday for our entire relationship, and then he just stopped. I’m 27, about to be 28, and my entire 20’s have been spent with him. I think he’s just tired of me, who knows. I cannot take much more.

Memory

Ever had the most random memory pop into your mind? Like, a past sexual encounter,  a dream you had ages ago, a friend whom you don’t even speak with anymore, something you saw(on tv, in real life) or anything seemingly random?

It happens to me all the time.  It’s so strange sometimes when I’ll dream about someone I haven’t been in contact with for years, and then the next day I’ll get a friend request from them on Facebook. I know how silly that sounds, but when it starts happening a lot, I did honestly suspect I was minamilly physicic. I know, I know, I’d roll my eyes at that comment too If I were reading this from another perspective, but there were, are, so many coincidences. On the day of my boyfriend’s niece’s wedding, which I didn’t go to because I am in the middle of getting dental implants, and I was in pain. I decided to watch the last season of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix, and instead of clicking on the first episode, I saw my mom had been watching the same season(it was on her Que), so I just hit play on the episode she had qued up. Yeah, you guessed it. It was the freaking wedding episode. Like I said, it seems like it’s just a coincidence, but it happens all the time. These tiny ‘coincidences’ happen daily. No, it’s not my imagination either, my boyfriend(who is extremely skeptical and thinks I’m “coincidence prone”) is witness to this, as is my mother, who told me that her mother, my Nana, was a little bit “coincidence prone” too. My mom thinks I might be a little psychic, and sometimes, so do I, but it seems so….silly. I dunno. Just thinking…. I can’t talk to the boyfriend about these kinds of things, and I don’t like talking on the phone, so this seemed a good place to put down my thoughts. The things I want to say, but can’t.

Grandpa

The loss of your hero is hard…

I love my family, I really do. Unfortunately, we recently lost our Patriarch, my Pampa. He was a hero, a friend, a comedian, an entrepreneur, driven, kind, generous, and my favorite person in the entire world. He spread joy everywhere he went, and that’s exactly how I remember him. He cared so deeply for his family. My mother is his eldest daughter, and she has two younger sisters, my aunts. They’ve always been a huge part of my life as well. Whenever I was with Pampa, he would talk about his three daughters and their children, my cousins and siblings. He was such a proud grandfather, and father. He never held it in either, he was always smiling or joking around with us. When I was 18 I even lived with him for a while, and he helped me so much. I am so glad for the time I spent with him, especially now.

David

This is sort of  just for me, and my cousin, David. I know he’s probably reading this even as I type. He always was so interested in what I was doing when he’d come down from New England and visit each summer. He was my best friend for those fleeting weeks every year.

Then four years ago, today, David left. He moved on, to somewhere better. That’s what he deserves. Angel status. I miss you David. 

I miss the summers spent when we were younger, all together, with David.

curiosity or something darker?

It’s the strangest thing, the more I delve into these urban legends reddit’s r/nosleep, the more it makes me interested in real anomalies, medical and otherwise. Is it something primal in us that causes us to slow down and rubber-neck just to get a glimpse of what happened when we see a terrible accident on the road? Something having to do with bloodlust? Voyeurism? Sadism? A small part lies in all of us. It’s part curiosity, part something darker that makes us want to take in as much dirty laundry as we can. If it were only curiosity causing us to look when something terrible is happening, then our logical side would override that need to know, wouldn’t it?  We all just assume it’s just curiosity. Where does that curiosity come from though? Research time 🙂

67 Ridiculous Laws From Around The World That Still Actually Exist

Holy Crap these need to be updated, but they’re pretty funny 🙂

Thought Catalog

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Mercury in retrograde? How about laws in retrograde. For reasons unknown, these laws are still in place.

1. In seven U.S. states, according to their constitutions, atheists are barred from holding public office.

2. Sodomy is illegal, in general, in Idaho, Utah, Michigan, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana. In these states, sodomy is only illegal for homosexuals: Montana, Kansas, Oklahoma and Texas. Oral sex is often considered sodomy by many states, according to the Hebrew Bible. Except strangely, you don’t see people as equally outraged about this as they are about gay sex.

3. Interracial marriage was still illegal in Alabama in 2000.

4. Not until 2008 did the UN Security Council pass UN Security Council Resolution No. 1820 which declared rape and other forms of sexual violence a war crime, a crime against humanity, and a constitutive act with respect to genocide, arising…

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